As a recent graduate from Westmont College in Santa Barbara, I was almost certain I would never have to write anything that required clever hooks, research or deep thinking ever again. Apparently, by starting a blog, I take immense pleasure in proving myself wrong.
So why write this blog?
It started at the beginning of this month when I tried writing my new goals for the year. Last August, my friend and I came up with a list of goals (some tangible, some not so much) that we would try to adhere to throughout the school year. Some of mine included: talking with family once a week, seeing people as broken, trying 20 new restaurants, learning the guitar, and, you guessed it, embracing the uncertain.
This time around however, I found myself with a blank sheet of paper. I hadn’t even lifted the pen for the entire 30 minutes I had been entrenched in deep thought. I didn’t know how to begin. I didn’t know where to begin.
For the first time in as long as I can remember, I. Don’t. Know. What. I. Want. As a person who prides herself in setting and achieving lofty goals, you can see why this would be deeply troubling. Anxiety inducing, even.
People have been asking me for months what I want to do with the rest of my life. I usually shrug, give them a half-smile and say “I’m just taking a gap year to travel and figure all that out”… when inside I’m screaming
HOW THE HECK AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW ALL THAT RIGHT NOW I’M JUST TRYING TO SURVIVE THE END OF MY BASKETBALL CAREER AND FINALS AND GRADUATION AND NOT THINKING ABOUT THE POSSIBILITY OF COMPLETE AND UTTER FAILURE OR LIVING AT MY PARENTS HOUSE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE PEOPLE WHAT DO YOU EXPECT OF ME?!?!?!?
We live in a broken world where perfection is the very thing expected of us. At least, that is what social media, society, and yes, even some of your friends, engrain into our hearts, souls and minds. It has taken me a loooooooong time to realize that almost all 20-something-year-olds are living in this same uncertainty and fear driven state that I am currently dwelling in.
Here’s the kicker though. I have decided to be as honest, vulnerable and transparent about my uncertainties as possible. I’m sick of creating a façade that I live some magical fairytale going to far-away countries, having the perfect body, boyfriend, internship, friend group, etc.
Because honey, let’s be real. REAL LIFE is not this glamorous. Not one bit. But I think that if we can come to terms with not just living in the uncertainty, but embracing it, we will all be better off.
So, to answer the initial question I sought to answer at the beginning of this post. Why write this blog?
There are two reasons for doing so. One is purely selfish motivation (oops): in writing about the hard things, I’m hoping I can sort things out for myself and maybe this whole scary transition of life won’t be as…scary.
The other reason for writing this blog is perhaps a little bit less selfish in intent: hopefully (and I really, really am hoping this) that by writing about the tough things, it will help anyone who reads this realize that they are not alone. And then maybe, we can talk about the tough things, instead of living behind the façade. As a Communication Studies major and lover of deep conversations, I thoroughly endorse talking like Gatorade endorses professional athletes.
To conclude, I promise you two things:
- We CAN do this.
- We are not ALONE in this.
Yay for embracing the uncertainty.